Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Our lives built on tin cans and string

Day 27: A song you wish you could play
Anthology by Thrice

There's just something sexy about Dustin Kensrue's voice.  I'd give anything to be able to play the lead guitar part in this song.  Seriously, if you want your ears to bleed with pleasure, go watch this video.

Love and Rockets,

Monday, January 2, 2012

My, my, my how the time does fly...

Howdy friends!  It's been a while hasn't it?  I've been busy (that's a lie, I just don't want to sound like a loser).  I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas and New Years, I know I did!  For the first time since elementary I didn't have a single thing going on New Years Eve, so I stayed home and read Pride and Prejudice for the umpteenth time and was in bed by 10.  It was cozy!  I have just realized I use exclamation marks far too often! When I haven't blogged in so long I just don't know how to start back up... this is awkward isn't it?

Day 26: A song that you can play on an instrument

Guitar: Lovers Without Love by Joshua James
Drums: Keasby Nights by Streetlight Manifesto
Ukulele: Come Sail Away by STYX
Harmonica: The King by Piebald (just barely)
Mandolin: Awake My Soul by Mumford and Sons

Well, that's that.

Love and Rockets,

p.s. Guess where I'm going in May...
Jealous much?

Monday, November 21, 2011

You can't change your world single handedly...

Day 25 - A song that makes you laugh
Life In One Day - Howard Jones

This one is an oldie and a goodie.  Let me tell you why...

The whole song is stressing that you should not try to live your life in one day.  Don't speed through the day just filling it with corporate nonsense.  The first line of the song is "The old man said to me, said don't take life so seriously."
I'm not going to lie, this is hard for me.  I feel the pressure of all my challenges and responsibilities pushing down on my shoulders.  Especially lately.  I feel so inadequate.  Anything I do is overshadowed by somebody else.  I feel like I'm slowly becoming a memory.  A thought of something that once was.  And in a sense that's true.  I used to be fun and light and could make people laugh.  Now it takes all my concentration just to get through a single conversation.  Just today in a work meeting when I was called upon to explain the purpose of the meeting, my manager said "Kristen talks?!"  Yes, I used to have a personality. You couldn't get me to shut up.  Now I push people away.  I'm cold.  I don't want to be bothered.
But I have come to the realization lately that this has to change.  I have to go back to being fun and goofy and spontaneous.
So what have I done?  I've made some big decisions.  I'm going to change my life.  I'm going to do things I've been saying I'll do for a long time.
In high school I had two spectacular friends.  We would sit and discuss our lives on golf courses, on roof tops, even on a trampoline.  Once when I was freaking out they got out a white board and plotted out my life for me.  They pushed me to be better.  And I was.  Because they cared enough to tell me the truth.  They saw my potential and told me how to reach it.
I've lost sight of that... sorry ladies...
So this is my plea:  Can we PLEASE have a get together?  Just the three of us?  Where we sit around and just make each other feel like we did back in those days?  Because honestly, you're the only two I really can expose all my secrets to.
But that's why this song makes me laugh.  I think of those days.  Putting starbursts on rooftops, throwing up oatmeal at the golf course, and you guys making fun of me for the way I jump on trampolines.  You taught me not to live my life in one day.  You told me that the future would take care of itself somehow.  So riddle me this ladies... are we still friends enough to do so?

Love and Rockets,

p.s. I'm serious, let's get together.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

For now we'll say goodbye...

Life happens.  
It comes regardless of our situation.  It is unexpected.  It is harsh.  It is cruel.  
But it is also intricate.  We cannot comprehend how the little decisions we make will effect our eternity.  
This statement has hit far too close to home this week.
Tuesday night I had just gotten home and was about to take the handful of medicine needed for me to have a restful sleep.  As I put my hand up to my mouth I had the urgency to stop.  I didn't know why, but I started working on another project.  Around midnight I received a phone call.  I heard the caller say "he's home".  Those two words were horrifically misunderstood.  
She went on to explain how one of my dear friends, Elder Trevor Strong
had passed away that evening.  
He was supposed to be home.  He was supposed to be adjusting to the "non-missionary" life style.  Instead he was no longer occupying his mortal body.  He had passed on to a greater mission.  A mission we will not understand until it is our time to follow in his footsteps.  
It is impossible to share my thoughts on the subject without being overcome with emotion.  

How could such a great person be taken?  How could his family be given such hope; hope of a life yet to be lived? 
Hope of warm welcome home embraces. Embraces which will now be cold and hollow shared from passing strangers as their son, their brother, lies motionless next to them. 

I cannot express how grateful I am to have known Trevor.  
He was our self proclaimed comic relief.
When we would play night games and fickle drama would arise, he was the one to bring us back to the purpose of why we were there, which was to ultimately enjoy one another's company. 
When we would have game night he was the one doing the awful impression of a kangaroo.
He was the one who was near tears the night I fell flat on my face 
while he was chasing me around the car.
He was the one who invited me to dance in the street at the stroke of midnight on new years eve.
He's the one who decided "Club T.A.S.S.K. House" 
sounds leagues better than "Club A.S.S.K. House"
He's the one who made all the girls feel like the most important, most beautiful girl, on the face of the earth. 

He could have lived a life.  He could have had a family of his own.
He could have gone to school.  He could have had a career.

But The Lord, in all his glory and wisdom, knew better.  
He knew Trevor was far too valuable a spirit to lose to the frivolous trials of this world.  
He knows what Trevor is capable of doing, of becoming.  
He is destined for greatness.  Greatness we will not be able to witness until the veil is lifted and we are able to join our friend again.  

The warm embraces will come.  
The hope is still here.
A life will still be lived.  
A family will still be raised.
A man has been exalted.

I can't do justice to the person Trevor was.  He is now one of Christ's most treasured angels, assigned to administer on the other side.  His work will be felt both here and there.  He has left a mark on all the people he has come in contact with.  A mark that will at first seem impossible to overcome.  But a mark that will  forever be treasured in the hearts of all who knew him.

My thoughts and prayers go out to his family, especially his twin brother Scott.  
I pray the many memories we all have of him will bring us strength and comfort.  
I love you Trevor.

"Here and there,
Now and then, 
God makes a giant out of men."

Love and Rockets,
Kristen Holman

Thursday, November 3, 2011

If I ever leave this world alive...

Day 24 - A song you want to play at your funeral
If I Ever Leave This World Alive - Flogging Molly

There's not much to say about this without sounding depressed, which I guess is why it's taken me so long to post it.  I don't like thinking about death.  Who does?  I have a friend who kind of freaks out when it's brought up.  We were once watching a movie where a lady passes away and she was so overcome that she had to leave the room.  It gave us all a good laugh when she left exclaiming "I can't breathe!" (we sound horrifically rude but I swear, if you were there you would have laughed as well).  But in all honesty I have no place to laugh.  I hate thinking about it, I hate writing about it.  Which is why I'm going to stop writing about it.  But hey, what's a blog post without some great lyrics?!  

If I ever leave this world alive
I'll thank ya for the things you did in my life.
If I ever leave this world alive
I'll come back down and sit beside your feet tonight.

Wherever I am you'll always be
More than just a memory.
If I ever leave this world alive.

If I ever leave this world alive
I'll take on all the sadness that I left behind
If I ever leave this world alive
The madness that you feel will soon subside.

So in a word don't shed a tear,
I'll be here when it all gets weird,
If I ever leave this world alive.

So when in doubt just call my name,
just before you go insane.
If I ever leave this world alive.
Hey, I may never leave this world alive 
But if I ever leave this world alive

She says "I'm okay, I'm all right
Though you have gone from my life"
You said that it would, 
Now everything should be alright.

Love and Rockets,

p.s. I'm a sucker for Irish punk rock.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

If I could write out my own dream...

Day 23 - A song you want to play at your wedding 

I know this is stupid but you all have to promise me you will not use this song on your wedding day, otherwise I can't use it.  Principle my friends, principle...

So this song is short.  Only 1:08.  But it's the best 68 seconds to ever fill my ears.  It ends and I literally feel pain because I want so badly for it to keep going.  I'll put the lyrics here just because it's that great.

If I could write out my own dream
For the next time that I sleep
You'd be the first one that I see
And I the last one that you dream

And the dream would go on and on 
While we sway against all things thrown our way
And the morning would be so cruel
When it came with sunshine and warmth to blame
For announcing the end of my sweet dream
For announcing the end of my sweet dream

I watched an interview where he said that he gets lots of people telling him to write more and he's tried but nothing is good enough for this song.  I believe it.  This song is perfect.  The perfect dream.  Where even the most wonderful things, like sunshine and warmth, are still not as beautiful as the love he has for this person.

Yeah, this song is perfect.  Go listen to it and please don't steal it!

Love and Rockets,


 p.s. I have a pretty wicked awesome best friend.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011


Sorry it's been so long.  I've been a bit, uhhh, busy?  Oh who am I kidding, I have just been lacking inspiration!  Now don't start thinking "Oh, this post is going to be inspired so it must be good!"  WRONG.  I'm still flat out of ideas so I'm just going to go with it.

Day 22 - A song you listen to when you're happy
L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N - Noah and The Whale

This is an anthem for anyone, so anything I'm about to say will not be new.

My friends, life goes on.  No matter how crappy, how discouraging, it goes on.  I've had a saying since I was about 15, "There is no alternative."  As in, when people would look at me right after I had my back surgery and complication after complication would arise, they would always ask how I stayed happy, how I kept going.  My answer, "There is no alternative".  Sure I could give up.  I could lay in bed and curse the day I decided to go through with the surgery, but why?  Where would that get me?  So I started studying the scriptures and found a reason to keep going.  But things just kept coming.  It kept getting more and more discouraging.  But I kept going, even when I got so low I considered stopping, I kept going.  And why?  Because L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N.

These days I'm faced with different trials.  Sure my health is still poor and I struggle to even get out of bed in the mornings but I've fallen prey to another enemy entirely.


Why you ask?  Well you see, I know some people (they will know who they are as they read this, sorry if it makes you uncomfortable but you probably already know I'm jealous), and these people are pretty cool.  They thrive in one area where I seem to constantly crash and burn.  The dating life.  That's right.  My last date was before my birthday 6 months ago.  And the date I had before that?  Well it was definitely more than a year and I only went on that date because the girl who was supposed to go bailed and then the other two back ups where unavailable.  But the girls I'm talking about here are talking to guys all the time.  I'm with one of them almost 24/7 and I have to watch as guy after guy practically throw themselves at her feet to go on a date, to get just a few hours of her undivided attention.  And what are guys doing with me?  Giving me a pat on the back and treating me like just another one of the guys.

If you go here, you will read about blind spots.  Yeah, I know that letting guys treat me as a friend is one of my blind spots.  But how can I help it when sub consciously I'm thinking he's just going to end up liking one of my friends anyways?  It's how it's always been.  Yeah, I've gotten bitter about it, as you have read in a previous post.  But at the end of the day and I'm laying in bed thinking about whether I did my best or not, I know that even if I didn't do my best and I pissed and moaned through the whole day, L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N. I have a chance to try harder tomorrow.  And when that moment of realization comes and I'm practically euphoric with the idea of a second chance, I think of this song.

So please, let your life go on.  Don't stop and go crazy over a stupid little trial, whether you failed a test,  missed a chance with a guy, had another birthday and feel old, or broke a leg and had to stop doing what you love, LIFE GOES ON!!!  You'll have another chance tomorrow.  Carpe the freakin' diem.

Love and Rockets,